Saturday, May 11, 2013

#MMM May Monster Madness Monster Erotica (18+)

***Warning this post has mature content in it. It is not intended for younger readers.
Welcome to my very first post of my very first May Monster Madness! Today we are going to be talking about Monster erotica, or as I lovingly call it "Monster Porn"! So what is Monster Porn, well it's an erotica subgenre that has paranormal sexual encounters. Now, I'm not talking about werewolves, and vampires, although technically those can be considered "monsters". Usually books that contain those sorts of characters are more serious erotica. I find that the ones with monsters such as Big Foot, Mummies, and the like tend to be a bit more tongue in cheek. So with out further ado, here are some of my top faves from this hilarious and tantalizing genre.

1.)My Robot Body Will Make You Cum

James' wife is in for a surprise when he returns home with a shiny, new robot body. One capable of pleasuring her in new and precise ways.

-4800 Words This story contains graphic scenes of sex between a woman and a robot.
My thoughts:
The good:
This story is well written and entertaining. I did not get grossed out. Not even once. I cannot believe this has not been optioned by a big porn house and made into a movie!
The characters are totally relatable. I can understand why he would want to become a robot. I would too if I could get a bunch of sweet attachments like he did.
The bad:
Um having a 2 liter of pop put into a vagina sounds painful. It's probably equal/greater than the pain of getting punched in the balls. 
Overall this was a fun little read. I highly recommend it to anyone wanting to have a big ole LOLGASM.

2.) I Fucked a Zombie Horde

Rose has one rule when it comes to staying alive in the post-apocalyptic hellscape she calls home: Stay sharp. If you're not sharp, you could miss something, and when you miss something, that's when they get you--The Sex Zombies.

If they make you cum, you die, turning into a mindless, horny, walking corpse.

When Rose saves Jake from a horde of the undead, she knows right away he's not good for her survival. He's hot as hell, but sex is one distraction that could get them killed. Will he be the something that dulls her edge, or will they both make it to safety with their underwear in tact?

Warning: This 4300 word short story contains dubious consent, sex with the undead, forced seduction, and a ghastly gangbang you'll have to read about to believe!

My thoughts: 
Yes this is a real book. Yes the zombies are out to get you off. If they do you become one of them!!! This book was freaking hilarious. And amazing! I loved it. Was it gross. Of course. But not as bad as those other monster fuckers I read a month or so back. This book was an all around fun ride.
Why the 4 stars when I gave "My Robot Body Will Make You Cum" 5 stars. Because the zombies have to rape their victims (kinda). But zombies are soulless eating (in this case sexing) machines who don't care about feelings. Also because it was entirely too short. I feel like there is so much more to this story!!!
If you like reading weird erotica then I think you will like this one!

3.) I Fucked The Mummy

When Egyptologist, Layla, accidentally opens a hidden chamber inside of the dig site, she knows she's made a huge discovery. But when she's trapped inside with a sarcophagus, and the giant golden phallus mounted on top of it, she knows she's in huge trouble.

Warning: This 4200 word story contains ancient dildos, dusty undead gods, and an ending you won't soon forget!
My Thoughts:
Layla is having a restless night. The funding for the dig she is on has been pulled and they must leave the next day. She knows there is something in that tomb. So being the go getter that she is so goes to find out what is down deep in the tomb. She enters the room with the Egyptian penises all over the wall and blows on them. What do you know. You blow on the Egyptian penis glyphs and they start to glow. Fabulous. After much lead up and foreplay a door opens. Layla being the brave girl that she is goes into that tunnel. She enters a room with a sarcophagi in it. It's a beaut...complete with the Pharaohs face, rock hard body and a 3D golden dildo carved in the front.

Oh my. She strokes it and reads the glyphs.....hmmm seems she must use it as the key to open the gates to resurrect Osiris and Isis. Being the silly and naive girl that she is she thinks that using the golden dildo key to open her gates will release her from the room that she is now trapped in.

"Even though I wanted out of this god-forsaken room, I never expected to actually wake the dead! I thought humping the Golden Dildo of Osiris would trigger some mechanism, Indiana-Jones-style, opening the door again."

Nope sister, you just fucked a mummy.

"Something glinted from the wrappings, and my eyes locked on it. the golden cock protruded from it's crotch, bobbing in the light, locking on the empty hole where the phallus should have been.
My screams echoed off the walls, bouncing back and filling my ears.
I just fucked a mummy!"

Now if you aren't having a 'gasm be it the 'o' or the 'lol' form, you my friend are dead. This quick read is full of moments of smutty genius that is hot and hilarious.
I love Delilah Fawkes. I think she is a master of fun smut. Her monster erotica's are to die for.

4.) Garden Gnome Gangbang

When Jenny adds a little whimsical flavor to her garden with a trio of gnome statues, she never suspects what's in store. When the sun goes down, Jenny discovers her new lawn ornaments are ready to get busy, and they know how to use those pointy red hats to please a woman!

Warning: Explicit adult material. Three on one action, hard pointy hats, and gnomehoods as big as any man's! 3300 words
My thoughts:
I have a friend who hates garden gnomes. She advocates for their genocide. I'm not sure if this story will influence her to change her mind or not. There is something very creepy about those funny little guys crawling up on you and preforming a gangbang....even if their spunk tastes like candy. These little fellas are full of salt and vinegar and love to share it with the lovely lady who owns them. They are a recent purchase and I'm not sure if they are new or secondhand.... I'm just wondering why someone who part with these pleasure giving little guys? Did they grow weary of always getting banged every time they go outside to garden or relax? Where they too randy? Humping the leg of every Tom, Jane or Joe that happened into the garden? So much more left to tell of this story. What does she do during the winter. Leaves these fellas outside suffering from blue balls, literally and figuratively? Are these questions ridiculous? Should I stop now?
Overall a heartwarming story of a woman and her three gnomes. Definitely something that should be read on a cold January day in front of a warm fire and loaded on vodka.

And I shall leave you with those. I should warn you. Monster Erotica is an expensive habit. Each of these books probably cost 2.99 and they are all very short stories. 

This is a Blog Hop! Check out all the other great #MMM posts, plus there is a giveaway!


  1. That is freakin' Rad! How about something like, I "Screwed the Circus Clown"! Too far? Clowns are pretty freaky-deaky on their own! Here's my MMM at Design du Jour.

  2. I'm dying! Sometimes I can't believe what's out there, both from the publishing standpoint and the appeal. Does stuff like this really get people off? I mean, I think it's entertaining but I'm pretty sure that's where my interest stops. :P Thanks for posting!

  3. Oh my! This is something I've never considered before. A whole world of weird monster literotica. Thanks for the lowdown!

  4. Haha Lori! These look hilarious!! I think I am going to have to start a collection of these to read after a good book hangover. These might give me the best 'morning after' giggle.

  5. I can't stop saying, "My Robot Body Will Make U Cum" and giggling. Too awesome!

  6. Bwhahahahaha! Oh my! I think this has been my favourite stop on the hop!
    Hilarious! I'm definitely going to add these to the tbr!
    Thanks for sharing!
    Stopping by with my MMM'S Carmen Jenner Author and Book Me!
    Happy Hopping! =D

  7. Oh. My. Gawd! These are super great and funny.