Tales of a Hotel Maid Episode 2 "Places Where Bodily Fluids Belong."

Welcome to the Hotel: I shall vomit and puke everywhere because the bathroom is so far away!

Last episode I alluded to the diarrhea in the bathtub incident. Bodily Fluids and excrements have places where they should be and places the should NEVER be. Now puking in the bathtub, yeah I get that. I've been there, both through the stomach flu, and the brown bottle flu, but pooping in the bathtub. Well, my daughter has done that, but I believe the last time I found a floater in her bath was when she was one. I can assure that these guests were not infants, or toddlers. They were in fact grown ass boys. Drunk- hungover- probably- ate- Taco Bell- boys. I mean, we would find everything from nasty giant loogies in the sink to vomit anywhere. On the floor, on the bed, in the towels, garbage cans, the shower, everywhere.

I will never forget the day when I walked into one of the most trashed rooms ever, it was a room that belonged to college students who were visiting to watch the game. The room stank, I couldn't figure it out, then I lifted up the cover on the bed, and there pooled on the edge of the box springs was a puddle of vomit, the color of the vomit can only be described as greenish black. Alcohol poisoning coloring for sure. I was legitimately worried that this person should have probably been in the hospital having their stomach pumped. 

Anyway, stuff like this is a hazard, as any bodily fluids are, so I called my boss to tell him we needed to replace the bed in this room, and it did get replaced. Doesn't mean I didn't have to sop up that vomit with rags, but at least no one else had to sleep on that bed. And yes the rags, my gloves and all bedding where disposed of in a hazardous waste bag. 

No worries it wasn't just out of town kids that were gross, oh no. We once hosted a frat and sorority thing. Actually, I think it was pledge week, and these were the higher ups. Once again, very trashed rooms, very rank smelling. Only this time it wasn't a pool of vomit to be discovered but a pair of poopy underpants in the ice bucket. It took me almost a whole hour to hunt down the source of that smell. The ice bucket was shoved under the bedside table in the back. I may have vomited in my mouth, just a little bit. 

One last tale of the bodily fluid that was not where it was supposed to be...one summer we were in the rooms doing a general once over, inspecting, changing out bedspreads and flipping mattresses, when whoa, what do we have here, but an issue of BUTTMAN. It was an adult magazine all about behinds. Now the pictures in the mag where pretty disgusting, but the fact that the pages where stuck together was what took that incident to over the top hilarious. So what did my fellow housekeepers and I do when we discovered this? Well we cut out the best photos and mailed them to a fellow housekeeper who had gone home for the summer. Because that's what friends do, send sticky porno to each other. :D

While I should note that I left the housekeeping industry years ago, I have worked one other place where we have found poop where it should not be. In our public restroom, in the tank of the toilet. It's called an upper decker or something like that. Google that. It's pretty sad, and disturbing that people think doing these things is funny.