51 Shades of Grey or....

Whatever the actual name of this book is.

Daunted by the singular sexual tastes and dark secrets of the beautiful, tormented young entrepreneur Christian Grey, Anastasia Steele has broken off their relationship to start a new career with a Seattle publishing house.

But desire for Christian still dominates her every waking thought, and when he proposes a new arrangement, Anastasia cannot resist. They rekindle their searing sensual affair, and Anastasia learns more about the harrowing past of her damaged, driven and demanding Fifty Shades.

While Christian wrestles with his inner demons, Anastasia must confront the anger and envy of the women who came before her, and make the most important decision of her life.
Lori's Review: 2 Stars
I put this book (aka my Kindle) down with disgust after I finished reading it around 1 am today. Ugh what a giant piece of horse crap! I have absolutely no intentions of going on to the 3rd book for the time being. My goal is to read it by the end of June. Who knows? I have a lot of reading on my plate! I've got to stop making room for pieces of crap like this and get back to books that I actually like to read. I think I hated this book more than the first one because Kami and I read it in radio silence (aka no texts messages and blog notes making fun of it). Not to mention Ana is probably the dumbest character ever written.
The good:
The emails once again were my favorite part of this book.
I liked that Mr. Grey seems to be opening up. It still doesn't make me like him all that well but at least I understand him. Ana on the other hand....I have no clue why she's such an idiot.
I just stared at my computer screen trying to think of more good things I liked about this book...and I can't. So on to....
The bad:
The plot. It's just bad. I was ok with this book being a romance/love story. Even if they are suffering from a bad case of what author Rhiannon Frater calls insta-love. The additon of the thriller aspect got on my nerves. It is not well done and is tacked on the end like a would be cliffhanger. I have not,not wanted to read a follow up book so badly. Ever. I realize I should have expected this as Twilight is filled with cliffhangers and bad guys.
The sex scenes are all the same just tweaked a little bit. Ana experiences two orgasms every single time they have sex. Since we are reading this book through Ana's POV we know that she is not faking them like women tend to do on occasion. It's not in the least bit realistic. It's a gross missrepresentaion of what most women experience. I don't even believe it is possible unless you have some sort of nerve disorder where the nerves in your vaginal wall have heightened sensations. Which would be painful and difficult to deal with on an everyday basis. I know that this is supposed to be a fantasy but what is wrong with having a little bit of reality in our fantasy world?
I was going to try and write a funny review but this book just made me so angry that I couldn't. I will however include some of my favorite quotes and my snarky thoughts regarding them.

'"Ben & Jerry's and Ana." He says each word slowly.' --Um couldn't you waste a different kind of Ice Cream? Ben & Jerry's is the shit. Oh well at least you didn't use Cherry Garcia. That would have ruined my favorite Ice Cream for me!

"Holy fucking cow, that was so quick" -Ana--No shit, isn't it always quick for you?

"Why, oh why, have I fallen for someone who is plain crazy- beautiful, sexy as fuck, richer than Coresus, and crazy with a capital K? -Ana-- Do I really need to point out that crazy starts with a 'C' not a fucking 'K'? This must be some saying that people have. Otherwise I can't figure it out.

"Oh, someone else has problems. I'm not the only one."-Ana--no you are just a selfish fucktard who only cares about herself. Even though you know your mom is having problems do you think you call her more than once in the whole book? No.

"I think Ray is smiling on the other end of the line, but it's hard to tell. It's always hard to tell with Ray."-Ana--pretty sure it's hard to tell with everyone! I'm not sure you realize that you can't actually see the person on the other end of the phone conversation.

Really I had a ton more picked out to make fun of but I'm sick of this book and not at all in the mood to make fun of it.

*I hold nothing personal against EL James and I am happy for her success. These are my own personal opinions. They no way reflect her as a person. I'm sure she is wonderful. I just hate her main character and the horrible relationship these two people have!