Fifty shades of Grey review *Lori's expanded Review*

"When literature student Anastasia Steele is drafted to interview the successful young entrepreneur Christian Grey for her campus magazine, she finds him attractive, enigmatic and intimidating. Convinced their meeting went badly, she tries to put Grey out of her mind - until he happens to turn up at the out-of-town hardware store where she works part-time.

The unworldly, innocent Ana is shocked to realize she wants this man, and when he warns her to keep her distance it only makes her more desperate to get close to him. Unable to resist Ana’s quiet beauty, wit, and independent spirit, Grey admits he wants her - but on his own terms.

Shocked yet thrilled by Grey's singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success – his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving adoptive family – Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a passionate, physical and daring affair, Ana learns more about her own dark desires, as well as the Christian Grey hidden away from public scrutiny"

Lori's Review: uhh 3Stars...I think.

I cannot even put into words how I feel about this novel. On some level I liked it (I know gross) on another level I hated it...with a passion.

I'm going to have to say that in terms of rating this book I am a realist....I felt like I was drinking piss for at least 70% of it.

Ana and Grey meet at his office when Ana gets roped (hehe) into doing an interview of him by her hot blonde sick roomie Kate. What ensues afterword can only be described as insantity!

Ana and Grey go to a restraunt for coffee and Ana decides she really likes him. Oh Bella...I mean Ana you are so freaking cute--in a I'd like kick your face way!

More events unfold. She drinks a lot of tea and fucking orange juice. They email back and forth and Grey deflowers her...from Ms. James description the bedroom must have looked something like this:

Really the best parts of this book are Grey and Ana's emails. I loved the banter. The rest was just kinda bad. In the emails we get to learn more about Mr. Grey:

and this:

and I imagine this must have been Grey in college:

only, you know solo, cause Grey is a douchebag in and of himself---he flies solo in his douchery!

I kept waiting for the really hardcore BDSM to start. I was prepared to be grossed out but mostly I was amused: Grey doesn't want to be touched specifically his chest. Why you ask? Hmm maybe because of this:

Not much happens in the way of crazy sex but he does have a "red room of pain"
which looks like this:

Grey pushes Ana's limits even though she asks for it? Is that really pushing them? Idk but anyway I haven't even started the 2nd or 3rd book but I know this is how Grey and Ana will end up!

Her head up his ass and upside down (cause they are kinky) forever....for-EV-ER

Last night I kept wondering why Ms. James just stuck with Twilight and erotica for inspriation, why not be like Cassandra Clare and pull from more than that? Then I started thinking about what would make this book AWESOME!!! My very strange brain decided that the only other literary source that could save this book is Hunter S. Thompson's Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. Ana would be a lot more understandable if she was fucked up 50 shades till sunday....at least she would have a good excuse for being a moron!

mmm....Orange Juice:

*This review was done to be fun. I hold nothing against EL James and wish her continued success. This book was like crack! I will read another book if EL puts one out.